The incurable romantics of Bollywood believe, “You can’t make love happen; love just happens.”

Most of us seem to have the same belief about happiness. We seem to have assigned life/fate/God/universe the responsibility to bring happiness to us, in return of being good or just being. We seem to rewrite our “Dear Santa…” letters everyday and are very disappointed when the joys don’t slide down our chimneys.

Ironically, we also are not free to receive happiness at just anytime. We just don’t have the time to take delivery of happiness when we are busy being driven, goal oriented, disciplined, or just sane. The refrain of, “Gosh I need a holiday/weekend/drink!” has become like a lament for escape from our daily lives.

So Homo Sapiens, quo vadis? Are we, to quote Thoreau, to “lead lives of quiet desperation” the majority of our lives?

I was rescued from such dark musings by Michelle Obama. Or rather, by something she said at a talk.

Michelle was speaking alongside US actress Julia Roberts and former Miss Malaysia and activist Deborah Henry to the 200 young leaders, who were selected from across Asia Pacific for a one-year leadership program under the Obama Foundation.

Don’t wait for joy to come to you on its own. Don’t defer your joy to some unspecified day in the future. Plan for it. Find that little nugget of joy today–everyday!

What a wonderful, practical advice! These days, I think about it whenever I feel overwhelmed by my life. Did I plan my joy?

But enough about me. This is the International Women’s Day weekend, and I wanted to share the stories of two women who have impressed me to no end with their ability to innovatively and enterprisingly plan their joys.

Hanging Gardens of Thane

If you have ever lived in Mumbai, you will know about Mumbai’s notorious space constraint. Apartments are stacked up like matchboxes and most middle class residential buildings (unless they are old or the new ultra luxury ones), don’t have balconies/terraces.

Mumbaikar’s are used to making do with half or even one-third of the space that may be available elsewhere in the world. We have learned to create virtual bubbles around us to become oblivious to the constant (metaphorical) elbow in our ribs.

It’s such a concrete jungle that a Mumbaikar has to take time and effort to contemplate a tree, bush or a flower. While Sanjay Gandhi National Park is right within city limits, an average Mumbaikar is so far away from nature that s/he might as well be in a different planet.

Not if you know Sanchita.

Walk into her apartment, and you will be treated to a luxurious garden full of exuberant flowers that can rival any manicured garden. Recently, she has added a bonsai cherry tree, that is even bearing fruits!

The remarkable thing about Sanchita’s garden is that it is truly a hanging garden, erected on deep grilled cages that line her windows!

Here’s someone who has found/planned her joy amidst the busy schedule of being a homemaker, mother and daughter. The lack of space, heavy monsoons, and lack of sunshine in densely built up Mumbai suburbia have not deterred her.

How does she do it? Following are some excerpts from my conversations with her.

When did you develop a passion for gardening?

In one of my earliest childhood pictures, I am seen plucking or inspecting some wild grass flowers, so I think I was born with that interest.

Besides that, I was always found plucking flowers and buds from father’s garden (neighbors too)– had to face father’s wrath but I continued undaunted in plundering gardens–even public parks with mali (gardener) chasing.

Nobody was spared, even the wicked landlord of the rented house in our early days in Dhanbad.

Can you remember gardening in your childhood?

In Dhanbad we had our narrow garden, I was 7 yrs then and had stopped destroying our own garden. Now the target was nobody should own better garden than ours. Though I have stopped looting other’s gardens, I still feel kind of jealous when I see good gardens owned by others.

How different is gardening in Mumbai when compared to Dhanbad?

One big challenge is sunlight–mainly the lack of it. Flowering and fruiting plants require lots of it. Flowering requires lot of energy therefore it was necessary to opt for a house that allows sunlight and I kept that in mind while selecting the house… south facing balcony with as little obstruction as possible. It was short-lived, what with the high rises that cropped up all around us later!

The second challenge is air circulation. This is important because without it pests and other infections can destroy the garden. Spacing and pruning is necessary. I could do this successfully in the initial two years because of less number of plants but garden keeps growing, multiplying.

The third big challenge is soil. Earlier I faced a problem here because good soil was unavailable. It was the sticky red soil with poor drainage. So I started making my own, red soil + sand + cow manure + dried leaves and branches etc. It took some trial and error to get the proportions right but it works now.

The last challenge is more like a tough, never-ending battle. Ants bring the aphids, mealybugs then fungus, spider mites, thrips and so on. Nightmare! So I arm myself with a mixture of neem oil, eucalyptus oil, and anti-fungals, take help from the three bearded witches of Macbeth or rather, become a witch myself, read up, inspect closely, lose some sleep… aaaarrrrrgh!

Some tips for other gardeners..

Use organic compositions, wash your plants but in the morning hours so that they are dry by the end of the day. Proper nutrition from organic manure keeps your plants healthy so they can fight infections.

Watering you have to observe… don’t overwater… many people think plants require a lot of water…noooo… they need to have just enough so that the soil remains moist not flooded. This I was made aware by my teacher- my father.

This sounds like a lot of work. How do you find the time?

Well, I don’t spend specific time in my garden. I am perpetually hovering around the balcony… now that is one advantage of a balcony you can take a peek any time–while cooking, ad breaks of TV shows and even in the dead of the night. It is so close you don’t have to open a door to go out into the garden or be wary of creepy crawlies in an open garden.

It is not interest, it is like an obsession, addiction. So you find time anyway…do some shortcut cooking…never go to market, tell others to do it…so you basically ignore a few things at times and yes…you cheat…ha ha.

The Un-intending Teacher

Aparna is what I call a “career mom”. I have seen her being a friend, playmate, “bro”, nurturer and world-class chef to her sons for the past 30+ years.

But in the recent years, she has set out on an impressive journey of self discovery. In the past 2 – 3 years, she has become a much sought-after teacher of the medieval Sanskrit hymn, Narayaneeyam and a few other chants. She has students whose age range from 3 years to 65 years. Her students are also geographically spread across different cities of India, some even logging from international locations.

She is a full-time teacher now, with her classes starting from 10:30 a.m. and going on till 7:30 p.m. She says that she has taught over 46 students so far!

She has no formal training in being a teacher, but it is remarkable how well she is able to naturally adapt herself to the learning needs/styles of her diverse students. In addition, she has grown as a leader and organizer, as she heads many of the group activities of her student community. She has also become confident, self-reliant, empathetic and wise.

Here are a few excerpts from my conversation with her on her journey.

When did it all start?

Till 1994 I was the typical wife, walking 7 steps behind my husband…

My friend in our colony told me about the Narayaneeyam class and my husband FORCED me to join. My Guŕu aunty was very appreciative of my chanting. However, I learnt it as a fun activity.

Then, in 2007, I attended Sampoorna Narayaneeyam Parayanam (full hymn chanting) at someone’s place. There, a lady heard it and approached me. she wanted to learn!!!!! From me!!! So started my classes.

Did you think at that time your classes would achieve this scale?

I was teaching for a long time. But took it as a profession from Feb 2018 when my friend encouraged me to take class via Skype. That opened a whole new world for me…

I made lots of friends through Skype and they liked the way I teach slokas. That made it serious for me. I started reading (for the first time) meanings from various author’s books, made notes and got ready for each class.

Tell me about your students.

My students are mostly the ladies who are 65+. They want to learn as they have time in between their baby sitting sessions.

40+ ladies who come want divine help and blessings as they have many problems with growing kids, health problems etc.

Young moms, age group 35 also come to sloka class and learn and recite the slokas and bhajans very sincerely… They are very keen that their little ones should learn something about God and our culture.

What would you call as the high point of your teaching career?

I was urged by my friend to start sloka class for kids… That is the ultimate blessing for me… Started with one batch, now 4 batches for various age groups are going on. I started learning small interesting slokas and peppy bhajans to teach them..

It is very tough to teach the little ones (3 to 13) and so pleasurable and energizing too. After they leave I always feel my house is filled with bright light…

When I go out for a walk kids calling out Sloka ma’am is nectar to my ears.

Have you observed yourself changing with this experience. How?

Initially I was feeling proud… I-Am-The-Teacher feeling… Slowly that receded and I began to pray that that I should have more humility.

I started observing the personality traits of each student, but I never judge.. I am getting more and more patient with each one of them. Somehow learnt to tackle their learning capabilities.

In some classes of 4 or 5 students there will be an undercurrent of resentment between the fast learner and slow learner… I was and am able to treat them as independent student without offending others!!!

Words of advice to your peers…

Empty nest and menopause play havoc on the mind and body of ladies in the age group 50… After the self pitying phase, start something totally new and interesting… Having so much time on hands and no demands from family members help you to do anything you want. I feel kids of this generation are very supportive and appreciative of homemaker mom doing something worthwhile… they are so proud of you!